Then life happened in unexpected moments, the waves of grief about the recent lost of a close friend to cancer, my house being sold quickly and moving by the end of this month, packing and accepting the reality of moving, being diagnose with carpal tunnel (which really encouraged me to eat cleaner and to slow down!), all the while trying to make sure my little ones had some form of homeschooling was a lot to handle at times. I wrestled with being distance from God and feeling overwhelmed as slowing down and being patient with myself are some of my biggest challenges. I struggled with sadness as I knew I couldn't spend as much time creating because resting my hand was a priority. I struggled with anger, anxiety and fears that are rooted in a hard childhood and I faced unexpressed feelings of grief, anger and pain, and felt feelings of uncertainty because , heck, moving away from the only place I have known for 35 years of my life is SCARY.
There were times I wanted to just crawl in a hole and not get out. But God had other plans, packing needed to be done, kids needed to be tended to, my hand and my heart needed time to heal, and my time needed to be given to friendships and family that I would miss tremenduously. During these challenging moments and with Christmas right around the corner, my negative perspective started to shift to feelings of hope, excitement, and gratefulness because I can be assured that no matter what I am facing, I have the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has always and will always continue to sustain me. I am deepely grateful that He is relentlessly patient and gentle since learning to trust Him is difficult for me, and even if my trusting Him is filled with questions and fears, if I follow Him then I guess that is good enough. In this journey of dealing with my illness, I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn to slow down as well as to still be able to create something. I'm learning that although I cannot create art or work on my computer as much as I hope to, there will always be room for creating and healing will happen one day. Although, I didn't reach my goal in launching my shop this month, I can at least share ideas and freebies for now. Although my time in creating seems limited, I feel that I'm more focus on what I would like to accomplish and I'm realizing what is most important to me; so in a way, being limited is giving me more freedom to focus on what matters the most in my life. I ask myself, if I was never able to create again, what then? Who I am is deeply rooted in being creative, so what then? I'm learning that my identity is not in me being an artist, but in me being love by Jesus, and knowing what is most important than anything I can create is my faith, my family, my friends and my health.
Therefore, I wish everyone of you a Christmas focus on love and healthy relationships, especially one with Jesus! I wish you a Christmas filled with the realization that the birth of Jesus propelled us to a gracious love nothing in this world could ever truly fulfill. ~Love Saroum