It has been a very interesting and busy month. I took on the daunting task of potty training my 2 and 3 year old at the same time. Frankly, ignorant was bliss up until the point of realizing there was no turning back when I really wanted to give up. I was not aware of how challenging this task would be, maybe doubling up the task made it even harder. Ya think? My anxiety level increased with each new day and each new accident. Then fear started creeping in as a masquerade of doubts; wondering if I am doing it 'right' when set backs occurred and questioning if I am a good mom when patience was lost. At times I felt as if the fears were strangling me. But those difficult moments were where I felt God the most.
Potty training was a mess, tiring, challenging but humorous and joyous. It was in those imperfect moments of questioning myself as a mom, of losing my patience with my kids, and of feeling defeated at times that I was able to now look back and see God's beautiful grace and lessons in my life. Those difficult potty training moments showed me that as hard as we try to prepare, life is unexpected, plans get changed, and perceptions are often not reality. I had this notion that if I tried to do things by the book (literally, a potty training book), it would be a breeze. I was utterly wrong. I realized that when I started to humble myself and look at potty training as a teaching experience rather than a goal to be accomplished, it became easier to connect and show compassion to my little ones. When I started to trust my intuition and lean on God's strength, potty training became less hectic and more peaceful. My 3 year old trained pretty fast and my 2 year old is slowly learning. Although, there will be set backs I am more aware now of learning to respond to the setbacks with grace.
The biggest potty training lesson was for me and not my kids, it was realizing that through God's grace I am completely loved by Him even in my imperfections; most likely more loved during my imperfections. That my weaknesses are okay, and that the imperfections in myself (anxiety and fears) will improve and change because life isn't constant. The lesson is knowing and believing that God covers our imperfections with His PERFECT love. Through His perfect love, we learn to love others despite our differences and imperfections.
"Above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins."
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"The LORD your God will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."