It's been a busy year so far and I am noticing that I am finding the time to at least write a post once a month. I am hoping to write more and I apologize for the randomness. As I dig deeper into my healing, I am starting to discover that in the painful silence from being afraid to tell about my abuse, and being uncertain of how I was feeling, there was a lot I wanted to say. Even as a little girl, there was so much I wanted to express but couldn't find the words. I continued with this silence for decades. Until the last few years, I have found the words in my silence and hope to express them more often.
I struggled with feeling guilty from not telling right away, or feeling the burden of the silence because maybe my abuser might be abusing others while I remain silent. But it is the abuser's shame and responsibility to stop. I was a child carrying a load that was to heavy to carry. I know some survivors never tell and some tell when it's too late; when your abuser can no longer be punished criminally for what he or she did. In working through my healing, I believe that we do what we have to in order to survive. It isn't a selfish thing, it is a survival thing. And a survivor should never be shamed or criticized for not telling, because she was a child held captive in overwhelming fear, shame and pain. We must celebrate when the survivor's words are no longer silent.
So I say to you, my beloved friends and soul survivors, find the words in your silence and set it free so that you can bless others and live a life in freedom. The kind of freedom where shame, guilt, and pain do not hover over your days; where there is room for God's joy to grow in your heart. And remember that this freedom does not occur over night, it is a journey. A journey that we have to be present in day by day.
Lots of love and prayers to you.
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"The LORD your God will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."